I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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