i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
