He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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