I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
