Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
