Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
