im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
