if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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