you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
