@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think i got beer on your cat.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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