Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
