Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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