So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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