Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
