i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
