just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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