I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
