He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
