Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
