ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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