So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
