Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
