It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
