I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively