If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day