Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  He disabled his match.com account in front of me

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  (917): He disabled his match.com account in front of me http://tfl.nu/yzdn
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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  (256): I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light. http://tfl.nu/687c
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals

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  (517): new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals http://tfl.nu/6pha
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

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  (410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv
  Replies (28) Good night (1287) Bad night (5302) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.

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  (410): If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living. http://tfl.nu/sgz4
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.

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  (919): It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis. http://tfl.nu/c5pc
  Replies (9) Good night (1205) Bad night (3285) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

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  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5349) Bad night (863)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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  (901): Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed http://tfl.nu/avah
  Replies (9) Good night (1447) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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  (253): Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers. http://tfl.nu/t7fg
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.

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  (952): Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost. http://tfl.nu/9cwp
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal

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  (440): I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal http://tfl.nu/vouk
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.

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  (303): Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish. http://tfl.nu/hxa3
  Replies (3) Good night (933) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.

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  (586): He probably thinks you're playing hard to get. (248): Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone. http://tfl.nu/1zpx
  Replies (1) Good night (1141) Bad night (222)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time

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  (714): I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time http://tfl.nu/bvah
  Replies (8) Good night (741) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt

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