oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i have two assholes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.