I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
