Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child