Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

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  (770): I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/s1ae
  Replies (40) Good night (6071) Bad night (556)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

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  (604): The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am http://tfl.nu/p2ec
  Replies (12) Good night (6017) Bad night (745)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.

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  (306): Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire. http://tfl.nu/uvyh
  Replies (10) Good night (3904) Bad night (1182)
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  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7591) Bad night (927)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.

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  (860): We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn. http://tfl.nu/ndq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2823) Bad night (595)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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  (432): I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame. http://tfl.nu/e3aq
  Replies (13) Good night (610) Bad night (3361)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

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  (469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688
  Replies (2) Good night (2333) Bad night (663)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

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  (615): fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think http://tfl.nu/g5tp
  Replies (15) Good night (1630) Bad night (725)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week

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  (716): Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week http://tfl.nu/sqfo
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (938)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.

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  (305): One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud. http://tfl.nu/ff3s
  Replies (1) Good night (1196) Bad night (477)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.

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  (347): I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick. http://tfl.nu/dk06
  Replies (6) Good night (1139) Bad night (554)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose

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  (817): Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose http://tfl.nu/bx5q
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (785)
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  (914): View more from New York

  true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"

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  (914): true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS" http://tfl.nu/3w8r
  Replies (14) Good night (1276) Bad night (387)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.

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  (810): I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/iivw
  Replies (6) Good night (716) Bad night (360)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts

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  (917): I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts http://tfl.nu/w8os
  Replies (2) Good night (227) Bad night (698)

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