Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house