Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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