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• (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Probably.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm in.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me

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• (716): View more from New York

  I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?

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