I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.