OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.