Screwed.edu
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
