He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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