New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
