Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We are two peas in an std pod
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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