hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
