This girl is more easily done than said...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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