I think I won the penis lottery.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
