one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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