She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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