just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
