Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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