Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how drunk are you?
Several
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
