he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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