if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
