Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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