do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
