i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
