I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
