I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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