Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
