i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
