i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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