i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
