..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
