what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
