They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
