Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
