this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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You. Win. At. Life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
