It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
