well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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