If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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