Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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