Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
