ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
