She's JV to your varsity
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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